Sorry for the tone of this post, but feelings of despair and everything…
I don’t know what to do any more, I really don’t.
I’m not sleeping properly, sometimes just one, maybe two hours a night. I cry at the least little thing, snapping and lashing out at people. I’m not eating properly, and I’m drinking way too much for my own good again. I know all this, but knowing it isn’t fixing anything.
I’m seeing the doctor on Friday, and Louise said she’d come with me, because I have no idea what I am going to say. I’m supposed to be getting my hormone levels checked, but I’ll probably come out with anti depressants. I’ve fought against them before, not wanting to take anything addictive… but, I dunno… maybe it’s the only way.
I’m still jobless. I’m not good company, ask my friends… or ex friends as there seem to be more of them… and soon I’ll be homeless too unless I can find somewhere that will take DSS clients, and there aren’t many. Louise tells me, as do others, to find a room in a shared house, but I have issues trusting people. I’d just be scared and anxious all the time. Looks like I don’t have a lot of choice though.
I’m still also waiting to hear from Charing Cross. The waiting lists get longer and longer, and my spiral into the dark gets faster and faster.
It sucks to be me.