T minus 29

So, day 1 since the notice. I’ve not even recovered from the blow dealt by the letter, and things aren’t getting any better.

Last night, Louise had a panic attack over it all, which isn’t exactly a huge help. She was meant to be helping me today but is having to seek help herself now in coping, or else she’s not going to be in any position to help.

Meantime, a visit to Camden Housing resulted in them pretty much telling me straight that I’m not “at risk” enough to be a priority case (i.e. I’m not pregnant and have no young children). Depression nor relying on HRT doesn’t qualify me for help otherwise. Looking for housing, there’s very little DSS housing around, and everywhere else I’ve looked wants proof of income… So much for that. Even if they did, I have trust issues sharing because I’ve been burgled too often in the past.

I’m worried that without a place, I won’t have access to medication I need to survive¹, nor any way out of this bottomless pit I find myself floundering in.

Looking for work is as seemingly pointless as ever. No responses, let alone interviews or jobs.

I really wanted to write more than this, but I’ve even lost that. There’s so much going on in my head right now, but none of it seems to want to come out in words. Tears yes, (and even that is hard) but not words.

I want to ask for help, but I don’t know who, nor what to ask. A friend has said I can stay a short time, which is a help but the location is not ideal, and I don’t think I’d feel safe.

Right now, I feel sick and I want to cry.

¹ Between hormones, antidepressants and vitamins, I need a whole heap of pills daily, as well as a fairly regular injection. I’m also on a surgery waiting list and will need a stable and safe place for recovery once it’s done.

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